I’m so happy. Samantha would be so angry.

I’m so happy, so free feeling. I feel great. I haven’t felt this well, this whole, in a while. I’d forgotten how good this can feel. I no longer hate the songs on the radio, I can listen to tim mcgraw’s “my best friend” and not cry and despise it. I want to thank God, praise him, sing out his name on high! I’ve never been so thankful.

Mac is coming back to me! Just as I thought, Travis, Brittany, and Kristen left him. I still was there in the end, after he basically abandoned me for them. I helped him and acted like there was nothing between us and he came back! He finally realizes the things I do for him. These are three of the texts I got from him tonight:

“I just have one friend, you. and I need to take better care of you cause you are so nice and helpful and are always there for me” 

“we need to hang out more. I need to get you something”

“we should totally get together again, I enjoy our get togethers”

I just feel like he finally appreciates me, I’m finally getting somewhere. I’m secretly hoping he kisses me, it wouldn’t be the first time he kissed a girl that was a friend. so can it be my turn?

Though, I feel guilty still. Samantha would be LIVID if she knew. I wish I could talk to her but she’s just concerned that Mac will hurt me again. I know that she’s only putting my best interest first, at this point though, fuck my best interest. I’m being reckless but I’m going to jump head first into this. There is something more to me and Mac. Something is supposed to happen between us. I feel it in my bones, I always have. There is something different about him, and my heart won’t let me forget him.

I hope this is the beginning of something I’ve waited 5, almost 6 years for.