I think fandoms are my drug.

I get obsessed with things easily. The more I feel things are falling apart in my life, the more I latch on to something that can’t hurt me. Something I can love without regrets and guilt.

When things spiral out of control I don’t drink or do drugs, I don’t cut….sometimes I starve myself….but I just absorb myself into a book. I start to obsess to shut out the things I can’t handle. I would much rather hear about Peeta and Katniss, Harry Potter, or Edward and Bella, anything is better than real life. These books I read and love keep me happy, they keep me moving on when everything is wrong.

My pawpaw has heart failure. He needs a special diet, but he refuses it. It makes my mawmaw yell and cry everyday. My mom might loose her job. That makes her cry. We have no money. My aunts and uncles buy our groceries because we can’t. I’m a full time student. I feel like I’ve lost my friends. I worry about Mac everyday. 

With books though, this all goes away for a moment. I’m somewhere else for a moment.

what about Josh Hutcherson? He helps me get out my emotions of love. I’ve loved mac since 8th grade. I need a way I can let everything out, so I obsess over Josh. Loving Josh is painless. I don’t have to try, I just look at stuff online and fangirl. He doesn’t have to know I exist, but I can love him out loud to keep my sanity about Mac. 

I don’t know if anybody else does this or not. It would be nice to know I’m not alone. It just makes me upset when people judge me for obsessing over things. It’s like, they have NO idea what I’m going through. They have no idea that Sailor Moon or Hermione Granger is keeping me from going under. They have no idea that this is my natural way of coping. I get an unexplainable high from these obsessions that I can’t help. Though I know that’s not normal, I know it’s probably healthier than weed or crack.