I had the best day

with you yesterday. She let me down, she didn’t even care if I had a way home.
but you were there, you turned everything around and offered for me to come with you. our performance though, was beautiful. seeing our teacher smile so big at us was just so freaking cool. and for the 1230394898342 time we had another person, a professional at that, say that we sound so great together, that our voices blend perfectly. and to get the best score possible? amazing.

I want to thank you for taking me in after. I’m pretty upset with her right now. That was the rudest thing that has ever happened to me.
I had more fun with you anyway. Throwing peanuts on the floor of the restraunt was so much fun. then going to the mall and goofing off just because we are only young once.

But my favorite part of our day came next.
Walking to the lake and feeding the ducks. When you chased them all away, screaming and flailing your arms about I died laughing, almost as much as when we realized the ducks probably liked the other people feeding them more because we had off brand bread. I firmly believe the ducks knew the difference. :) and then we walked back in the cold, huddled close then went into your basement to watch Thumbellina. we rocked a duet to “let me be your wings”!

then the rest of the party showed up and I lost my personal connection with you, which made me a little sad, but at the same time I felt special. You tell me that you feel like you can be yourself with me, that you are so comfortable with me, and when everyone showed up you changed yourself a little. I think it’s cool that I am one of the only people who gets to see the real “you”, but I don’t believe that you should do that because I love the “you” I see when it’s just us. You shouldn’t change yourself when others are around because the “you” you are with me is who I fell in love with in the first place. I’m so comfortable with you. It’s like I’m with my other half when it’s just us, I’ve never had this feeling in my entire life. and even though I’m only 18 I can honestly see myself spending my life with you. I wish I got to sleep next to you last night instead of on the recliner, I wish your arms were around me and not him, your face close to mine.

we talked about lots of sexual things at the sleepover. people don’t think i’m a very sexual person but honestly guys? I’m 18. I have needs just like everyone else. I don’t even think I’m ashamed of the thoughts I’ve had of you anymore. I’m not sure if we ever dated I could keep my morals, because the things you talk about wanting or liking, I want to give to you. That’s something I’ve never really accepted until now. I feel dirty because I want you to taint me. I want you to be my first everything, I want to foolishly give my whole self to you. I know it’s not what god would want though, and it just makes me so confused.

Many people don’t ever have to go through what I go through with you. Many people might not have even held on this long. I hope you realize you will never meet someone like me again, someone who loves you for who you are unconditionally, who doesn’t judge you, who will always be there for you, someone who would give her life for you to live. I wish you could look in my eyes, realize I’m not interested in that other boy because I love you. We could be something great, something special.

please, please, give me a chance. maybe just go to prom with me?