You don’t even know.

you don’t see. you don’t quite understand. Are you really this blind, should I turn those colored contacts to prescription? I love you silly, silly boy. I don’t know why the idea is so hard to see, too abstract to comprehend. Do you see how we fit together? how we move together? Something like that is special, not everybody has this kind of connection. even your brother and little cousins realized something is between us. Why can’t you reach out and grab it, try and make us work. humor me, if but for a minute.

You are the only person I feel free to be who I want to be around. I’m not afriad to laugh or cry or be mad. I’m comfortable in the silence with you, I could just fall asleep feeling secure and safe. When we went walking that creepy man didn’t scare me once I could hold on to your arm. 

I wish you could see what you did to my heart when you asked her to prom. My heart hasn’t ripped that hard since 8th grade, I was literally feeling physical pain. I wonder what you would think if you knew about that? you obviously don’t know you phased me one bit. I must be an amazing actress. I should take a bow.

I’ll sit here by your side and act like nothing was ever wrong. You won’t have to know I spent my weekend crying over you, starving myself and wondering why I’m so repulsive. I feel raw and numb inside. an empty shell. I ate alot today, I’m only going to get fatter. I shouldn’t eat at all, I should become clean, perfect, flawless. maybe then I could turn your head. maybe then I would be lover material, not just “bestest friend on the planet”. One day I’m going to open your eyes and let you in on this little secret.

you will never find someone who will love you so completely and unconditionally as I.