Prom

was a great time, but it broke me into a million little pieces inside. It hurt to stand there, trying to be beautiful for you and you just sat there following her around in her dress that looked like tie-dye threw up on it, and her back fat spilling out. Your sister told me I looked beautiful when she picked me up, she said I looked so much better than her. But I guess in the end I was never that beautiful. I guess in the end you don’t care for me at all. You escorted her into prom, sat by her at the table and slow danced with her. How I LONGED to be the girl in your arms. I wanted to be the the girl who you wrapped your arms around. but maybe I’m just destined to be that girl who waits on the sidelines while everyone sways gently and kisses softly. Love seems so unreal to me, like it’s something thats never going to happen to me. I just want to be loved, I want someone to show me that this love thing isn’t make believe, that it’s the not the product of fairytales. I wish more than anything that it would be you who would love me. but then again, I wish I never would have falllen into you. I wish back in 8th grade that I would have said no to your out streched hand, never danced with you and let you hold me. I was a goner, you sang to me and I held on tighter. and I never let go, I’ve held on for 5 years waiting for to come back to that moment. I wished that you, if you wouldn’t be my date, would at least give me a slow dance at our last school dance. But your “best friend” isn’t worth that I sopose. I wish that I would just stop wishing because all these wishes never come true. I always end up cold, alone and broken hearted at the end of the night. I hate that I couldn’t get a slow dance from you but I could get you to dirty dance with me all night. What I hate even more is that I liked it, I wanted more. I wanted any physical touch I could get from you on the dance floor, lacing our fingers and moving our hips together. You even slapped my butt butt once for god’s sake. and excuse me for being slightly graphic but when you moved behind me and put your leg between mine and started grinding low into my but, your arms in the air, a look of pleasure on your face, I was in love and lust at the same time. I was flying high. I didn’t care what we looked like, I wanted you to stay. touch me a little more. I wish that he didn’t come to your house after, I was going to sleep by you and he jumped between us, what the hell?! I wanted to punch him. I wanted to rest my head on your shoulder, put my arms around you like him. I feel like he’s taking my place. I feel so lost. I feel so alone. I waiting for this prince to come and take me away from you. I’m waiting for the day when I don’t need you any more, the day when just your presense doesn’t make my heart skip a beat, but I’m honestly scared that that day will never come. People say that young people don’t know what real love is, but if this isn’t real love that I’m feeling I terrified for love, it might literally break me into pieces.