well tomorrow’s the day.

I offically close a huge chapter in my life. I’m graduating from high school, I’m graduating from childhood. It’s kinda crazy to think that I won’t be walking the halls of my high school, seeing the same familar faces and knowing right where I am. No, next year the kid roaming those halls with my last name will be my brother. I’ve made a good name there, so he should have it pretty easy if he doesn’t skrew up. What stinks is that I thought by this time I would be ready to leave, like what happened in 8th grade. I thought I would wake up one day, wiser than I was the last, mature and ready to walk out the doors of my high school comfort blanket. That never happened, I’m scared crapless at this point. Plus I don’t want to leave the people I love, the teachers who helped me and the friends I can’t live without. I had the time of my life in high school, I can’t believe I have to go. Is it too late to fail senior english?

I feel like this chapter didn’t end as nicely as it could have though, I feel like I haven’t quite tied that pretty bow on top of the package. I have a lot of things that needed to be finished up. One thing, though, I’m not sure if I can finish off. It’s him. I PROMISED myself in 8th grade that if I still “liked” him, I would tell him at graduation. Well here I am, 5 years later, a day away and I don’t think I can do it. I know I’m 18 and too young for words like love, but I don’t know a better adjective to explain my feelings for him. Instead of withering and waning with time, my feelings have grown and matured. I want to tell him and get it over with, It screams in the back of my head everytime I see him, but I don’t want to complicate my relationship with him. But also, what if this is the last time we are ever this close? It’s sad for me to hear him say that he’s excited for me to have a boyfriend in college. Part of me wants to tell him that I can’t even begin to try to give my heart to someone else because he has it all. The other part says that that is a stupid thing to do.

I need to make my decision by tomorrow. I’m scared. Dear God, what do I do?