I never thought I would be defeated.

I think I’ve offically been defeated by love. I suffered under the chains til they broke me down. I can’t stand anymore, I can’t speak. I don’t know where to go, I don’t even know if there is a place to go. I want to curl up in my bed and never wake up, sleep in a safe cacoon where nothing can touch me, no one can hurt me again. I can’t believe this happened to me. I don’t know what I’ve done to be so unlovable. It doesn’t help that every boy I’ve ever felt an interest for is gay.

I feel dead inside. I feel like my soul has been ripped out, that my heart has been stolen and stabbed. sombody make the torture stop, steal the pain away.

I wish I never fell in love. look what I did to myself. ugly girls like me don’t get pretty boys. and they certainly don’t capture the eye of a gay boy. I sometimes wish I was a boy so I wasn’t so severely friend-zoned. At least then he would give me a soft kiss here or there and hold me in his arms. We would pleasure each other even if his feelings weren’t for love. I would be a guy willing to take care of him and he could use me, till one of us walked out the door. That would be better than this.